


What To Be Sorry For

by jolly



Series: Insufficient Apologies [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 17:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8632561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jolly/pseuds/jolly
Summary: Bones needs help coming to terms with the end of his relationship with Jim. Spock isn't very good at helping people understand their own feelings.Sequel/companion story to Insufficient Apologies.
Warning for consumption of alcohol in unhealthy amounts, and mildly foul language, because, well- you know how Bones is.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Right, I did say I would write more of the Insufficient Apologies story. I think this is the last part, though, since all I really wanted to add was Bones's perspective on things. I don't feel the need to delve any deeper into Jim's feelings than I already did.
> 
> Life Update: Due to my situation drastically changing soon, I won't have very much free time to write for the foreseeable future. That doesn't mean I'll stop updating my works-in-progress, just that it may be a long while between chapters (yes, I know, it already takes me 3,000 years to update anyway). I'll try to focus the time I do have on writing to make up a little for the loss, but I'm not in a position to make promises. Thanks so much to all of you for showing interest in what I write! Please continue to be patient with me. 
> 
> LLAP, and enjoy this story!

Once again, Bones was awfully glad to have a secret stash of booze in his dorm. The thought crossed his groggy mind that he would need to replenish it after this, but he really would rather stay in the dorm and maybe, like, sleep for a few years. Maybe he could get Spock to buy some for him. Bones snorted at the thought. Right, like that straight-A, perfect-attendance, never-broke-a-rule-in-his-life Vulcan idiot would ever do him a favor like that. He was more likely to reprimand Bones for his "unhealthy drinking habits" and tell him "intoxication is not the solution, Leonard. You should go outside, Leonard. How can you become a medical officer if you keep skipping class, Leonard. I don't know what feelings are but I want to help you, Leonard." Bones took a grumpy swig from his flask of Saurian brandy- much too expensive for an Academy student, but oh, well. It got him drunk, sure enough, and that's all he really cared about right then. Oh, what would Spock say about that? "Saurian brandy is illegal, Leonard. You will be fined for possessing it because of course I have to report you, Leonard." An unbidden smile tugged at his lips. What was so goddamn cute about that green-blooded bastard? 

"I believe the appropriate human phrase is, 'you have taken the words right out of my mouth.'"

Bones nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Spock's voice. He hadn't been expecting him to come over for another... What time was it? Oh, six already. But still.

He turned in his seat, leaning heavily against the table. "How long you been standing there, you pointy piece of shit?" The words came out slurred and more deeply accented than usual. They felt like molasses on his tongue. God, was that a metaphor? He must be fantastically drunk.

"Approximately forty-seven seconds," Spock helpfully articulated, unfazed by the insult. 

"What?" Bones grimaced. "Shut up. Crap. Have I- have I been talking out loud again?"

"Indeed." Spock sounded a little amused, which was more than a little infuriating. 

Bones turned his back and took another swig of his brandy. "Shut up," he repeated. 

The Vulcan slid into the chair next to Bones and tried to catch his eye, but Bones hunched his shoulders and looked away. "Evidently," Spock said, too gently, "you are already aware of my opinion regarding your chosen method of contending with psychological distress. I may not quite understand-" A bitter scoff fell out of Bones's mouth at that. Spock's lips tightened imperceptibly. "But," he drove on, "Perhaps we can discuss whatever is bothering you? I would like to be of assistance to you in times like this. As we have an emotionally intimate relationship-"

"Can't you just say the word 'boyfriend,' like a normal person?" Bones complained. He was sick and tired of Spock's long-winded monologues. "You ain't exactly encouraging me to sober up, you know. I reckon I'll really finish off everything I had, at this rate."

Spock blinked. "I apologize. It was not my intention to upset you further."

"Whatever," Bones grumbled into his drink. "Don't worry about me, I just need some time. Not in the mood to talk anyway."

"Of course I will worry. After all, I am your... Boyfriend. I have learned that it is helpful for humans to share their feelings when they are unhappy." Reaching to lay his palm on Bones's cheek, Spock suggested, "however, if you would prefer-"

"No!" Bones jerked his head away, nearly spilling the drink in his desperate grasp. "I don't like you digging around in my brain. Need my privacy." Although, he would never admit, part of the reason was that he knew how mind-links affected Spock. He didn't want to cause more damage by making his dumb Vulcan boyfriend internalize his dumb human feelings. Hadn't Bones hurt enough people he cared about?

Apparently conceding, Spock moved his hand to rest on top of Bones's. The latter sighed heavily, screwing his eyes shut against the significance of the affectionate gesture. It was about as honest and romantic as the Vulcan was willing to get. Defeated, Bones met Spock's intensely concerned eyes with his own despairing ones.  _Tell me. I'm here for you._ Spock might as well have spoken the words out loud, though Bones knew very well he would never actually say anything of the sort.

Trying to swallow the lump rising in his throat, Bones let his gaze slip to the side again. "I just. Feel bad about Jim," he confessed. 

Spock's eyebrow rose. "But you said you no longer have feelings for him. I can't imagine you desire to remain in a relationship that put you under such pressure."

Hearing it out loud was almost worse. Bones could feel his expression collapse into something ugly and unnameable. "I don't," he said haltingly, "want him back. And I don't have those feelings I had anymore. But I guess I just got used to having something special with him? I dunno. He's been around for so long. Even if it was never romantic, just a QPR, you know? We used to be so happy about just being that close. And then you- I mean, not that I'm blaming you," the sentence shuddered to a halt. Bones took a steadying breath and looked at his hand, how it interlocked with Spock's on the table. This felt solid and real. He wanted this to last. Once, he'd wanted something similar with Jim, but that felt like such a long time ago. "Once we started going out," Bones tried again, "I must have lost interest in a less, uh, demanding relationship. But I saw how hard he was trying to keep it up. I knew I should've just told him but I kinda convinced myself that I could keep pretending forever. And when he started asking me questions, like, clearly he figured out that something was wrong, I freaked out. The idea of hurting him scared me like hell, so I just lied to him."

"It has been my experience that that is often more painful than being truthful."

"Don't you think I know that! Hindsight is 20/20, smartass." Spock didn't stop him from taking another drink. "Long story short, I'm an idiot, and Jim broke up with me even though I'm the one that stopped wanting him. I'm a coward."

"Maybe so," said Spock, choosing to ignore Bones's glare. "But I believe this will resolve itself. In the meantime, I recommend you attend your classes. And if you need me, even at inconvenient times, I will endeavor to make myself available to help you." He looked a little abashed by that last statement.

Bones let the corners of his mouth curl up and leaned his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. Their hands were still clasped together, and yeah, maybe he did feel a bit better. Not sure about going back to class, with how much he'd been drinking, but he could decide about that in the morning. For now, he only wanted to enjoy the feeling of not being entirely alone. That was, of course, in spite of Spock being a green-blooded hobgoblin who didn't know when to shut his damned mouth.


End file.
